One month

Today is the one month anniversary of my dad's passing. It is also Veteran's Day. I was always proud of his service to our country and this holiday always held special meaning to me but now it has a little more poignance to it. I prayed last night for strength to help me get through today and wondering how I was going to make it without tearing up at all the little thoughts that run around in my head. Then I got to work and found a beautifully written message from my sister Amy. I won't share all of it but I will share a portion of it. It was exactly what I needed and it made me realize that God has already given me the strength I need to make it through this. He gave it to me in the form of my amazing family. My siblings and I have grown closer and have relied on each other for hope, laughter, remembrance, and reminders of the lessons that he taught all of us. My mom has shown amazing amounts of grace and resilience and has guided us all. One month later, and the memory of his smile and laughter is slowly wiping out the pain and heartache. Thank you all and Happy Veterans' Day.

Here are a few exerpts from my sister's message:

So I was trying to figure out a way that I could get through the day without those little thoughts that bring tears to my eyes......So many times I've wondered how I could hang on for even one more day or even a moment. I just did. There it is, exactly the same thing Aron said at Daddy's funeral. You just do. Something Daddy must have instilled in all of us so deeply that it seems like a natural thing to do. One month ago I wondered how we would get through the pain and continue living life. We just do.

How does Andi get married without Daddy to walk her down the aisle? How does she have children without them ever knowing Daddy? How does Dina enjoy her new marriage and love her new husband without being able to share her happiness with Daddy? How do reunite with my children or not, without having Daddy to share it with or lean on? How do I have another child without Daddy ever holding him or her? How does Aron continue to grow as a family man without Daddy to guide him? How do the grandchildren grow without having a wonderful influence such as Daddy in their lives? How does Leslie find joy and meaning in life again? The answer is, we just do. We do it because that's what he taught us to do. We do because we are the strong people he taught and encouraged us to be.

So instead of being sad, let's honor him by living our lives with joy and passion. Let's do our best at whatever we decide to do. Let's live with dignity. Let's be kind and compassionate like he taught us to be. Let's lean on each other the way he taught us. Let's be strong and courageous like he was. Let's celebrate the good times. Let's love our families and each other. We know that Daddy is with God watching over us all. He wants us to be happy, and yes, he is here with us I know it.

I found a quote that sums it up. "The barn burned down... now I can see the moon." What it means to me is that the "barn burning" is something really bad happening, and at the time it's all you can focus on. But soon your focus changes and you start seeing things differently, your view changes. Now you see the moon, or rather something beautiful you didn't see before. And you may have never seen it if the bad thing didn't happen, or if the barn never burnt down.

Thank you to my dear sister who knew just what I needed just when I needed it. You truly are a blessing.

Daddy and Andi. September 7, 1983

Thanksgiving 1983